(brought to you by boringcactus)

How to Develop a Deeply Unhealthy Relationship with Twitter (25 May 2021)

  1. Follow some cool people on Twitter.
  2. Spend time on Twitter.
  3. See a cool person quote tweet some dipshit to be mad about them, or retweet a reply to some dipshit that dunks on or dismantles them, or say something controversial yet correct where you just know a bunch of the replies and quote tweets are going to be dipshits.
  4. Think to yourself "damn, it sucks that people on here are being dipshits. but hey, if I block all these people now, I'll never have them show up in my mentions later"
  5. Read through all the immediate (and, if your brain decides to, several levels deep) context, finding and blocking dipshits as they come up.
  6. Repeat steps 3-5 several times. Importantly, never only do step 3, so that the subsequent quest to block all dipshits attaching themselves to the original tweet becomes a habit, and then a reflex, rather than a deliberate decision.
  7. Get mad that you keep seeing dipshits doing dipshit things on Twitter. Consider leaving, but then say "but the cool people are here! hell am I gonna do, convince them to stop arguing with dipshits and posting takes that dipshits will disagree with?" Forget that you have any other options.
  8. Wait for Discourse, when arguing and dipshittery are ubiquitous.
  9. Reflexively seek out all the dipshits swarming around every time you see a new Discourse-related tweet.
  10. Be miserable on Twitter because your experience is overwhelmingly dominated by seeing dipshits being wrong and obnoxious, because you built a habit of seeking those dipshits out in the first place.

In conclusion, as Fraxiom put it in food house's "8 now",

I need to delete Twitter 'cause it gives me fucking mental illness